Stewart- "I'm Deflated" as Poltergeists condemn draw

Poltergeist Leaders, O'Leary and Blackburn- Furious after draw



Today i caught up with my hero, the "Grandpere of Flair" Tom Stewart. Stewart is hosting yet another charity function. The audience are gripped to the master speach maker, some people have collapsed from the excitement and stewards struggle to hold back swaves of screaming teenage girls. After the gig, we catch up with the rock icon backstage after he winds down after yet another world class delivery.

"It [the 6-6 draw with The Grand] was deflating to say the least. When we went 6-5 up with roughly a minute to go i thought that our moment had finally come" Stewart yelled, as he whipped off his sweaty shirt. "I thought that i could finally get the Poltergeists off my back, finally answer my critics, but no, Ralph Miller had to ruin it for me"

Stewart was beaten by a last minute goal, as Miller seemed intent on dropping 2 points, as he gleefully drove the ball into Stewarts far corner

"Ralph's behaviour disappointed me. He seemed intent on losing us the game. The rest of us were putting our all in, and Ralph just seemed not to care. I'm not angry, i'm just disappointed me. I know it's awkward for him after our recent love affair, and maybe he feels like he needs to get back at me, but this isn't the way. He's not just punishing me, but the rest of the lads, and the fans aswell. He needs to grow up"

Stewart has also had to defend his tactics, as criticism rains in from all side over his sides cavalier approach to the game

"We want to play football the right way. Just look at our 'goals scored' column. We've scored the same amount as the team that's top, and only one team has scored more than us. That's the way we play the game. It's just the way it is. Yes, we have the worst defence in the league, but who cares?"

Meanwhile, Poltergeist leaders Dermot O'leary and Tony Blackburn have been quick to lambast Stewart'd team selection

"Well, we're angry" O'Leary stated "All i'm saying is that we would've won had we had all English players. To have an arab as a captain is too far. Everyone knows they have bad leadership skills. I wouldn't be suprised if 'al-miller' or whatever his name is suicide bombed our next game, the cunt"

"Yeh, we're all very angry" added Blackburn "it's obvious where we're failing, and that's in the racial element of our team. It's sickening to say the least."